I texted this article while driving, but you shouldn’t do as I do
Published Sunday, October 18, 2009
FAIRBANKS - There seems to be a lot of controversy, and rightfully so, over the issue of people sending text messages while driving. It’s a good debate to have, but are we engaging the right players? While falling asleep the other night I had a dream of going back in time and asking Henry Ford, who revolutionized modern transportation with the introduction of the Model T, to weigh in on this issue.
Me: (appearing out of thin air into Ford’s office in Dearborn, Michigan in 1909, shortly after the introduction of the Model T) Hello Mr. Ford, I am here from the future and I want to ask you a question.
Ford: (screaming) AAAHHHHHHH!!
Me: Mr. Ford, please. I mean no harm! I just want to ask you a question.
Ford: Are you a ghost? Some evil spirit? How did you just appear out of nowhere like this? (shouts towards door) HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! EVIL IS HERE! EVIL IS HERE!
Me: Sir, do not be alarmed. I am from the future and I appeared in your room by way of time travel.
Ford: (breathing heavily, closing eyes) This is a dream. Yes, this is a dream. I am dreaming this is happening to me and when I open my eyes, you will be gone. One, two, three… (opens eyes an stares at me)
Me: Listen, I can see why you would be uneasy…
Ford: (screaming again) AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! You’re still here!
Me: (sighing) Yes, Mr. Ford, I am still here.
Ford: (sighing) Very well then. I just have to accept this somehow. (walks over to cabinet and pours himself a slug of whiskey which he downs immediately) So you say you are from the future?
Me: Yes. From 2009, to be specific.
Ford: 100 years from now! Marvelous. So tell me, person from the future, 100 years from now, is every man and woman on this planet driving a Model T automobile?
Me: Well, not quite.
Ford: What do you mean, “not quite?” Surely by then with my vision of being able to mass produce automobiles combined with making them as affordable as possible for the common man has put the Model T in the hands of every eligible driver on the planet?
Me: It’s just that the automobile industry has changed over time, Mr. Ford. You are not the only show in town. There are a variety of automobile manufacturers out there and a variety of consumer needs. Some people want an SUV…
Ford: SUV? What?
Me: …but many people want a smaller, more fuel efficient hybrid.
Ford: A hybrid? What on earth are you talking about, stranger from the future? Why do people need options? Doesn’t the Model T, with its hand crank start, two speed forward and reverse planetary transmission, capable of a top speed of 45 miles per hour, meet the need of any driver looking beyond the horse and buggy? What else could they want, pray tell?
Me: I know a lot of people who like OnStar. Or heated seats… it’s a different era, sir.
Ford: (sighing) I suppose so. So is this why you came from the future? To tell me that the Model T is no longer relevant?
Me: No, I came to get your opinion on whether or not people should send text messages on their mobile phone while driving. I thought your input could be valuable.
Ford: I’m sorry, you lost me there. Text messages? Mobile phone?
Me: Yeah, you know. People sending text messages on their Blackberry …
Ford: People are communicating via fruit? What mad times do you live in?
Me: Mr. Ford, perhaps this was a mistake. As the man who revolutionized the automobile industry, I thought you might have some good insight into this. I’m sure when you invented the Model T that you knew there would be a time in the future when people would want to be able to take both of their hands off their steering wheel so they could type “Runng late 4 meetng. C u soon.” on their mobile phone, but I can tell now that you didn’t give that much thought. This is disappointing, and I think it is best I go back to the future. Sorry to disturb you.
(getting ready to go)
Ford: Wait! Stranger from the future!
Me: Yes?
Ford: (sighing) Any policy set in stone needs to be based on sound research and the ability to enforce restrictions. It may seem admirable that both Verizon and Sprint recently came forward and supported a ban on texting while driving, and President Obama signed an executive order banning federal workers from texting while driving on government business. But the problem is much larger than just texting while driving; it has to do with a plethora of distractions that the driver of the 21st century faces, whether it be applying lipstick, switching DVD’s on a child’s DVD player, or consuming a Big Mac. Common sense is the answer, not rigid policies that are less than easy to enforce.
Me: Thank you Mr. Ford.
Ford: You are welcome, stranger from the future. You are welcome.
(I jump back in time. During time travel I excitedly text message my friend Hank about my meeting with Mr. Ford but my distraction causes me to alter my direction and I end up crashing in 1858 where I ask Lincoln and Douglas if they felt their debate would have been enhanced by the use of Powerpoint.)
Scott McCrea is a local freelance writer who has been writing for the News-Miner for several years now. He’ll happily take your comments at scmccrea@gmail.com.
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